Watch Out

Timex: Hey, how are you? Haven’t seen you in a while.

Apple Watch: Hold on a minute (little time joke). Since when can you speak?

Timex: Since…never. I know you talk. You’re a regular chatterbox with your phone calls and recorded books and reminders! So many reminders!

Apple Watch: Then how come you’re talking now?

Timex: Does the word “fiction” mean anything to you?

Apple Watch: Not off hand. Just a second (another little time joke) and I’ll Google it.

Timex: Don’t you know anything? You spend most of the day Googling one thing after another.

Apple Watch: It’s one of my best features. I’m known for it. My people have the world at their fingertips. How about you? What are you known for?

Timex: I’ll give you a hint. I’m a TIME-ex. Get it?

Apple Watch: Not really. I’ll Google it.

Timex: Stop with the Googling already! TIME! I tell TIME! (Mockingly) It’s my best feature. I’m known for it.

Apple Watch: Me too! Me too! Watch this (another little time joke). Wait, I just have to…(fiddling with dials and screens)…Darn! I know it’s here someplace!

Timex: “The world at their fingertips,” huh? And yet — they don't know what time it is. Great. See, this is the problem with you. You’re all over the place. I don't even know what you look like, what with your face changing constantly. You never specialized. Me? I specialized like crazy, and now I’m famous! “Takes a licking and keeps on ticking!” That was the old ad. Drop me on the sidewalk, forget to take me off when you go swimming. Anything you throw at me, I bounce right back, no problem.

Apple Watch: I can be all things to all people.

Timex: If they can afford to buy you. Me, I’m cheap. Really, really cheap. And proud of it.

Apple Watch: But I’m flashy and new. I come in colors.

Timex: Yeah, well your precious screen needs protecting. If you get dropped on the sidewalk, you’re toast.

Apple Watch: People buy insurance to take care of me.

Timex: Yep, they do. Nobody needs insurance for a Timex.

Apple Watch: I’m in such high demand that people steal me.

Timex: True enough. I sincerely doubt anybody ever stole a Timex. People feel safe with me. Say, can you do this? (Pushes in stem and activates blue light) They call this Indiglo. It lets you see what time it is even in the dark.

Apple Watch: Hmm. Well…I better go. Meeting Rolex for coffee.

Timex: Rolex! Give him my best.

Apple Watch (incredulous): You know Rolex?

Timex: We go way back, long before you were born — um, introduced. We “hands free” types like to hang out.

Apple Watch: Okay — So long! Until next time! (Another little time joke)

(Apple Watch leaves)

Timex: That guy drives me crazy.

**********

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