Sleepy Time

Insomnia is an absolutely terrible idea. Honestly, I don't know why it's so popular. You spend your whole life pretty much sleeping through the night, and then suddenly — wham. Your brain announces, “Okay, that's enough of that!”

Insomnia comes from the Latin, meaning OMG I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!

If you haven't had the pleasure, insomnia comes in three flavors: Faux Sleep, when you fall asleep and have what amounts to a nap, after which you are wide awake; No Sleep, which is basically Faux Sleep without the nap; and Delayed Sleep, when sleep finally comes shortly before your alarm goes off.

So what can you do if you have insomnia, besides drag your way through the following day? One of the more humorous suggestions is to get out of bed and do something productive until you feel sleepy. This to a person who has gotten out of bed because they don't feel sleepy. And if you don't feel sleepy when you're actually in bed, where you're supposed to sleep, I'm not sure why you would feel sleepy when you're up and around.

Insomnia does have one thing going for it. Haha just kidding. Not even one.

All insomnia is good for is crossword puzzle answers. All those vowels. Not one of which is in SLEEP.

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For a real-time demonstration of insomnia, you might want to read this, Diary Of An Insomniac, which I posted on 2/28/24:

What time is it? I can't see my watch! WHY CAN'T I SEE MY WATCH? Oh, wait. I forgot to open my eyes. 3:05. I also forgot to buy gas. Amazon should sell gas with same-day delivery. I think I’ll suggest that. I’m going to add less milk to the pancake batter next time. Is thick the same as fluffy? Is it cold in here? Somebody should make a tiny vacuum cleaner to empty a pencil sharpener. I think I’ll suggest that. How old was I in 1950? Maybe I’ll get a llama. Those “calming” apps are infuriating. Now what time is it? 3:10. Great. Can insomnia kill you? Would your obituary say you died of insomnia or from insomnia? I think I might actually be asleep. Is that possible? Maybe I’m dreaming that I have insomnia. I think I’m talking too much for a dream. Pretty sure I don’t narrate my dreams. 3:11. Nope, still awake. I love watermelon so much. I think I’ll start growing it. Which reminds me — I could get up, but as long as I’m lying here, at least it's possible that I’ll go back to sleep. I wonder who invented sheep-counting to get to sleep. How would you go about doing that? And why would it put you to sleep? Are sheep really that boring? Amazon should sell sheep-counters. I think I’ll suggest that….

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